Oprah Should Make 2009 Book Resolution

If your Oprah with bookstores gumming up book jackets with the "Oprah Good Reading Seal Of Approval" slapped on to entice the literate public, 2008 was not the best year. Angel at the Fence: The True Story of a Love That Survived and A Million Little Pieces kind of describe Oprah Winfrey's life, but they are really two Rocky Mountain speed bump books on her literary creds. James Frey wrote a biographical tale that was pseudo and the Rosenblat faux holocaust romance was just psycho. That's just gotta make a busy billionaress cry who already jettisoned books from her TV confab once before. Today, would be a great day for Lady O to make a New Year's resolution on checking the fine print of every single author AND publisher due diligence before putting her name out there. Er, sloppy staff work possibly?

Oprah's had some whoppers when it comes to book issues. Ms. Winfrey put the amazing not in stock very often Kindle on her new favorite things list. Ugh. Then the Frey grilling she gave the author after the lie became public a while ago left him in a million little muscle knots. Then right before taping Oprah to augment the books February release, the bombshell exploded, that oops, we have an octogenarian impostor or rather collaborating impostors. Angel Girl by Laurie Freidman was a published children's story inspired by Herman & Roma Rosenblats' not so true recollections.

Battle of the Lady Memoirs: Bush vs Palin

Publishers are going gaga over an opportunity to bid over two republican ladies' memoirs. Laura Bush is loads more popular than the guy with whom she shares a bedroom and a reporter-nipping toy terrier. For 70 days ad 70 nights, Sarah Palin's Fey fame on the media tilt-o-whirl leads to more chugging of moose chili and chips with Alaska's First Dude. Both have some scorching tales to pen (Where does a ghost writer apply?), if they write from the heart for history. Not happening (fully). One may need to protect a shattered brittle legacy and the other, the family empire of built on politics. The whole phoenix effect and how each overcomes the fishbowl environment could be fascinating as long as its not all leaked first. Then again, Laura Bush only suffered through six state dinners in the whole eight years.

Sally McDonough, Mrs. Bush’s spokeswoman, said yesterday that she “has expres sed interest in writing a book after she leaves” the White House and is pursuing the prospect but would not comment as to whether or not the first lady has actually met with any publishers. The AP, however, reports that, “Laura Bush wants to write a memoir and will be meeting with several publishers, according to three publishing executives with knowledge of the proceedings. They asked not to be identified, saying discussions are in the early stages and highly confidential.”

Will Laura Bush rate an equivalent $8 million advance that her predecessor received for her book, Living History. Laura's got a new house to furnish and her husband has been told to wait awhile to let his activities marinate to a more pleasant smell. Sarah, at 44, will be able to talk about being a grandma before Mrs. Bush. Mrs. Bush can talk about public teen age rebellion times two and being a mother of the bride who's dad was head of state. Truthfully, the promise of the books may be worth more than the actual first editions if they focus their memoirs on pablum and bromides.

Ladies, start your publishing engines....because when Michelle Obama even hints at a book it will garner Rowling like numbers.

King Family Feud Over Book Deal

The first family of nonviolence is practicing legal judo on each other, hoping for a clear take down of a brother or sister decision. Martin Luther King Jr.'s family have hamstrung and headlocked each other in courtroom combat over control of the King legacy and who has the right to authorize publishing what. The situation keeps boiling over every year. Their mother, Coretta Scott King's death and the sudden demise of oldest sister Yolanda in California, have added yet another breach between two siblings Bernice & Martin Luther King III and their brother Dexter. A very angry Penguin Group paid King Inc, run by Dexter Scott King, $1.2 million for a Coretta Scott King biography to be written by lecturer Reverend Barbara Reynolds, formerly of USA Today. Reynolds is the notorious figure that also shoehorned Reverend Jeremiah Wright into speaking with a surfeit of hubris at the National Press Club which made the Obamas drop him like a hot rock as their pastor.

Bernice, a licensed lawyer, mediator and Baptist preacher, has some of her Mom's private papers she has been shopping around for a separate book deal. About $300,000 of the advance was given to King Inc and split equally while Martin III and Reverend Bernice King say dexter did some wild and crazy stuff with the money that did not include them. Of which Dexter basically called them liars and said here is the evidence to show a split as outlined by Coretta Scott King's last will and testament which left ALL of her papers to King Inc and Bernice doesn't have the authority to get her own deal with items owned by King Inc.

The siblings are feuding over whether the documents should be turned over. Bernice King and Martin Luther King III maintain that their mother no longer wanted to work with Reynolds on the book. They are asking that the documents be distributed among Coretta Scott King's heirs and not given to the publisher.

"He signed the contract, but that's his job," Frankel said. "No one questioned when they got their share of the sale from the King papers whether Dexter had the authority to sign a contract. Nobody complained when they got their millions."

This follows years of feuding from even before Coretta Scott King's death. Word up publishing idiots, wrong book, the better book is about how the King family degenerated to this point and why the legacy is being tarnished by King's children in this way. I even have the title for you as a freebie, The Content of Their Character. Pulitzer Prize winning historian and the seminal biographer of MLK has a few things he would want to say, sure enough about how the King legacy is being handled and that includes Coretta's contribution to this family Armageddon.

Heather Mills More Fiction Tour

Heather Mills is an ex-everything. Now the ex-wife of one of the Beatles is setting her clutches on a keyboard to turn herself into a celebrity novelist. I can't wait for the official ex- on that chapter of her life either as her first try was her now hopelessly out of date memoir.

Once upon a time, Heather Mills, a former semi-working model was married to a knighted multi-millionaire songwriter chap named Paul McCartney after the tragic loss of his first wife and soul mate. That cantankerous coupling sank to the bottom of a spittoon of vitriol as accusations and courtroom theatrics supplied by the ex-Dancing With the Stars on one prosthetic leg contestant used publicity-seeking crocodile tears to weave a fantasy tale of being an abused and neglected wife. Her McCartney excited to get rid of the drama queen settlement of £24.3 million or almost $45 million dollars will not fill the hole in her 10 sizes to small heart. Heather Mills bragged, claimed, boasted that she would finally earn her philanthropic cred by donating most of her ill gotten marriage gains to Adopt-A-Minefield. She's an ex-donor promise keeper now.

Now The Sun has uncovered Mills hasn't handed over a penny, since receiving the windfall six months ago.

A source revealed to the paper, 'They have waited in vain for their millions. She's had plenty of time but sadly it's yet another untruth by the queen of lies.'

Heather Mills ex-PR flack suffered suffered a long delayed attack of the Revenge of the Rented Publicity Flacks conscience, stating Heather made the stuff up about Sir Paul to get on American TV. Mills untruths hawked by Michele Elyzabeth proved so cha-ching tempting to Heather that the gray ethical line imprisoning her from speaking of her ex-mate magically disappeared with her agreement to imagine a fictional treatment of her ex-wonderful life that supposedly will just wow us huddled masses into paying for book tripe masquerading as truthful fiction from a really rich hanger on who lied to a charity and was basically called a liar by a British judge.

John McCain Was A POW - Who Knew?

These heady campaign days, John McCain answers any potentially critical, embarrassing or unflattering inquiry with same answer. He was kept for five and a half years as an American prisoner of war in what was called the Hanoi Hilton. It answers why he's clueless about how many houses he has, why he picked the beauty queen gov as his running mate, why he offered his current wife up as Ms. Buffalo Chips in South Dakota at a hardcore biker nudity rally and informs his faith as stated after he was removed from Rick Warren's faith-based Cone of Silence. I mean, exactly how many times do you use it verbally to the lazy press, who at least know that already (it didn't involve the hard work of an investigation) when he's written and had it written about extensively. Good gracious! McPOW even said it on the Tonight show when Jay Leno offered him a million bucks to come up with the answer how many houses he owns. Then, it came up again when it was pointed out about the number of homeless veterans made worse by the odious Bush adventures in presidenting. Next week, it will be repeated over, and over, and over, and over, and over again, that John McCain was a POW, leaving him remote and an untouchable in his own rendering of a George Washington like apotheosis. Seriously, can he just repeat it once more for clarity, John McCain was a POW.

John McCain has his name as author on at least five books. One was actually really ghostwritten good entitled Faith of My Fathers and yep, being a P.O.W. is mentioned in a more honorable fashion there too. Another is the seminal book by Robert Timberg, The Nightengale's Song, that just lays out 5 naval academy grads histories with a discerning eye towards truthtelling humbled by the personal and the bedeviling of their individual experiences. But then Robert Timberg decided to write about it again and again and again because we so didn't understand John McCain was a POW.

But now, he was a POW is the ready republican whine to every little criticism, its getting forty years old as an excuse for bad behavior, rotten decisions and his snappishness. His 72nd birthday was yesterday along with the 3rd anniversary of this nation's worst disaster, Katrina, where he was slurping frosting from his fingers celebrating with the Pretender-in-Chief while others drowned. Now he is having ANOTHER republican celebration as New Orleans prepares to go down for the second time as Gustav homes in on the Gulf Coast. Of course we know the answer when asked what would he do differently, for goodness sakes, didn't you know he was a POW...

Olympic Sized Book Deals

Michael Phelps will get 1.6 million dollars to chronicle his 23 years on the planet in a memoir on becoming the world's best swimmer.ever.with 7 world records. This is his second book after an Olympic showing and he still has the 2012 London Olympiad to go before he's done collecting all his hardware and royalties. Several times in Beijing, his quest to earn eight gold medals almost died a premature death. One, one hundredth of a second slower and he would still have tied the still cocky Mark Spitz, which is a feat in itself.

Dara Torres on the other hand completed her fifth Olympics in her fifth decade at 41, earning three sliver medals against teenyboppers and twenty something sprint racers. After winning medals twenty years ago, Dara returned to swimming to keep fit during and after her pregnancy. The serious speed racers is where she she planted her fins to return. That first book has the potential to have a meatier look and heftier advance from Random House for both books at $3,000,000 US acknowledging the changes in Olympic swimming over twenty years, her battle against being accused of doping and her fight for the sport.

Not sure about his or a potential Simon & Schuster ghost writer's skills, but Phelps leaves no doubt about the damage he can do eating or racing in an Olympic sized pool.

Parenting Advice From Britney Spears Mom Shapeshifts to Memoir

Spare me. Save trees. Do not expend brain cells on the pageant of irony that a bound non-comic book, distributed through a Christian bookstore, about parenting from Britney Spears' Mom would bring a reader. The aptly named cotton candy of how to parent books, Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame, Family in a Tabloid World, streaks onto the stage amidst a seeming turnaround from her eldest daughter's serial tragic life. From being a ten year old Disney Mouse person, pop princess, a 55 hour Vegas marriage, annulment, KFed & his prior baby mama drama, marriage, Madonna kiss, babies, divorce, custody fight, ticket, child welfare investigation, rehab, baldness, rehab, court, tickets, fender bender, the saddest TV musical comeback followed by a besotted brainless press corps acknowledging her appearing normal as a ditsy receptionist on The Office. She is only twenty something and her father is her court appointed conservator. Britney is bouncing back.

Mommy Spears learns in the midst of Britney's drama saga, that her other Disney daughter is preggers at 16 and she delivers a baby girl, Maddie, at 17. Lynne gets a new granddaughter and it is deemed safe to release the book before anything else happens. Now it's a doorstop masquerading as a memoir rather than a tome on parenting after all that success. We are so in for a prank, Pulitzer or fireplace fertilizer starting on September 16, 2008.